Wednesday, August 18, 2010

as i recall ...

i remembered a friend told me about things that would happen to me in abstract kind of way, she is not a fortune teller ... or anything relate with that field neither. i forgot how she did the calculation with date of birth, letters of name, and some what which i totally forgot what is it, and i don't believe such things, because me believe in faith of qada' & qadar.

But suddenly, after so many cases occurred in this path i took, some words of her reminds me about this and that...things that makes me feels like..."oh someone did told me this", "i shouldn't did this", "damn, i fell to this crap which i think i won't be fool by it". Too many wrong decisions i made and i can't take it back, i can't undo all the wrong doing of mine... i thought i could overtake the situation...but ironically i can't. It's too much for me. i can't do this alone.

"Past is past, let by gone be by gone". That statement really hurt me a lot. Too easy to say than being done. Sharing a problem only makes it complexity grows bigger. To lived in the world of opera theater, it feels like everyone playing their own role of character, and me too included. It really sucks to pretend to be okay, but the truth is, i am not okay.  

When i was younger, i thought it would be easy to get through all this. Too much "emotions control efficiency" needed to live as adult...and it gets more and more complicated as the time flows.

this is too much.
this is too much.

i'm afraid, i probably can't make it this time.


oya zihanee said...

mean that???

~cikgu murni ~ said...

sobb..sobb.sabo je la ye yeop...hidup mmg susah..biar masa yg ubati sgla2 nye..-sekian crmh dr ckgu murni-

p/s:wahhhh....tension nye org dlm gmbr tngh lpr nih..^^